Walking On Egg Shells

I found some notes the other day that I had written in a notebook and thought today I would discuss these.

I don’t particularly like walking on eggshells as the shell is so thin that its likely to break and the result is a crack. The crack can be verbal or physical abuse, tears, or simply someone feeling uncomfortable or walking away from you. There are many signs of toxic behaviour around us but for whatever reason, wanting to retain the relationship, fear of not being wanted, playing the victim and more we put up with certain things.

Toxic behaviours are prevalent in us all. Do you align with any of these statements?

  • Hoarding pain or loss over love, anger, guilt
  • Talking another down and telling them what is wrong with them
  • Acting the victim, you have no power to exert over your life
  • Taking everything personally when having conversations
  • Jealous or being envious of others, comparing yourself to others
  • Obsessive negative thinking
  • Lack of emotional self control- explode with anger or tears
  • Being manipulative
  • Being judgemental
  • Lacking compassion or empathy

You may ask what is toxic about this? When you are with others your negative energy, speak or persona impacts on the other person.

You may have become so comfortable in these negative actions you don’t even realise your actions are speaking so loud to others. What is happening to your self worth when people don’t want to be around you?

Conversations That Matter are about feeling good about yourself, positive communication, productivity in things you do because you are not stuck in some mindset that sees you going nowhere fast.  Stop comparing your journey with everyone else’s. Your journey is YOUR journey, NOT a competition.

Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them. What you think about yourself is how people see you and if you are happy or sad it reflects in how you present and engage or not with others.

When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realised but this has to be your reality.I t takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster.

Avoiding unnecessary toxic energy has been my mantra over the years. An underrated determinant of health and overall quality of life, this  facet of living can be vastly improved upon.

We know that our emotional health has great influence over the health of all our organs and system in our bodies, particularly our nervous and endocrine systems. Since our emotional health is largely affected by our daily interactions with others, it stands to reason that learning how to identify and effectively deal with toxic influences is an important skill to develop.

To protect your health against such people:

  • Firstly, think carefully about whether you may have done or said something to cause the other person to react the way they have
  • If you have acted or said something that may have caused the reaction then rectify it if possible, an apology goes a long way.
  • If this is an issue that you have not caused then confronting the other party about unkind behaviour is not likely to be fruitful.

    Remember this ,   “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”

    In other words, if someone is showing toxic or unkind behaviour they will reap natural consequences in due time but you don’t have to deal with it. If on the other hand you are the one that has signs of toxic behaviour think about why you are being the way you are and do something about it.






Our Not So Perfect World

Last week I wrote about Our Not So Perfect Selves. This is a continuation about us as a race. It saddens me to think that with all our knowledge, skills and resources, we as a human race have not changed all that much or implemented lessons from our past.

Over a period of two weeks, I happened to see two movies, The Zookeepers Wife and The Promise. Both set in two different parts of the world, one in Warsaw, Poland and the other in Turkey. The Zookeeper’s Wife was set in Poland and dealt with the extermination/genocide of Jews who were herded like cattle in what became known as the Warsaw Ghetto, and their eventual demise at the hands of the invading force of German Nazis. The other was about the extermination/genocide of the Armenian people who existed in Turkey by the hands of their fellow countrymen.

Continue reading “Our Not So Perfect World”

The Winds Of Change They Are Upon Us

This is the second article in the ‘Let it Go’ series.
There is a dissonance between what is and what could be in our lives. The pain and discomfort we feel as we view our global situation and then closer to home our personal lives with work, family and within ourselves is ever changing.

Isaac Newton’s Law of Motion states ”everything continues in a state of rest unless it is compelled to change by forces impressed upon it”, means that something has to force that change and when it does our peaceful state can go from minor discomfort to chaos depending on the circumstances.

Consider where you live and the changes you have seen over the past 10 years. I lived in Bali for 6 years and during that time I saw the cost of living double, a toll road and highway built to improve traffic congestion, more land owned by wealthy Jakartans, many expats from a range of countries setting up and owning businesses. I saw traffic increase exponentially as more people were given money by banks to buy motorcycles and cars, more robberies and some murder as the divide between rich and poor grew. I saw increasing numbers of people take risks to bring illegal drugs into the country and the death penalty enforced for the first time for drug users. I saw the government try and change, by outlawing the receiving of bribes as illegal and a change from the military led governments of the past to a more moderate. This is nothing compared to those that have lived in Bali some 20-30 years prior who have seen it change from a small rural community on an island, to becoming one of the most sort after locations for tourism and spirituality.

Consider the changes you have undergone over the past couple of years. Maybe you were in a relationship and now you are not, maybe you got married, maybe you came out or maybe you had a child. Maybe one or both of your parents passed away, maybe your wealth has increased or decreased, maybe you had a job and now you don’t or maybe you have grown your hair, changed its colour, lost weight or gained It. Maybe you have gone back to studying or dropped out, become homeless or bought a new place, gone into employment or become an entrepreneur. There are so many things that change in our personal lives.

Whether you have made any of the changes above or others, the opportunity for positive expansion, change and reset is within us all. Dynamic shifts occur and if there has been some dysfunction in something within your relationship with self, work, family or within as a couple it’s about facing the truth, being your authentic self and taking responsibility for the part you play in that dynamic.

How are you treating yourself and others that you have relationships with? Examine your lifestyle and the choices you make, the food you ingest, the physical activity you undertake, the time you spend at work, at home, with family and friends. Is it serving you or are you serving it? What is it you truly need right now for your body, mind and spirit?

If you are making changes there may be resistance and a tendency to want to go back to old habits. Research shows it takes 30 continuous days for a change to be implemented and to see some long lasting effects.

In some relationships there maybe toxicity and negative thoughts that impact you own, creating self doubt and possibly fear. Align your energy to a higher vibration and set patterns that are supportive of your intention.

It is important to honour the completion of something before commencing something else otherwise you are just recreating the same old stress, issues, dynamics. There is always a reason for change and wanting to eliminate it from you life. Be aware of what the architecture of the change is and give it space to move organically and to start afresh.

If a change is imposed on you try not take it personally but look at it as an opportunity to grow, to set new boundaries of what you are willing to accept or what needs to change so that you have the tools, security and level of trust you require.

What do you do when change looks you in the eye? Look to clear, expand and renew yourself and honour the markers of change by continuing to be flexible, cooperative and resourceful. Stay focused and disciplined with what you are working on changing. Remember you can direct another person but cannot change them, only yourself.

Remember change doesn’t just happen and nothing changes in your life unless you make it happen. It’s about identifying the problem areas and setting your intention to achieve the desired outcomes. Put into motion any ideas that you have wanted to make whether it is small or larger and go for it.

Our environment will support you if you have faith in yourself however, the effects of the external global environment will continue to create radical chaos that we have little control over. The financial crisis still reverberates with many companies downsizing or placing financial restrictions on their employees, climate change affects us with bushfires, tsunamis, earthquakes and more occurring around the world, governments are in flux as a new expectations are being forced on them by the populous, GMO, chemicals and pharmaceuticals still impact on our health, violence inside and between countries still sees refugees fleeing to gain a better life elsewhere, the rise of hatred against Muslims and Jews is on the up (the book by Hitler -Mein Kampf reprinted in 2016 reached overwhelming sales in Germany) showing people are choosing to forget the past and what such mass destruction caused, the global markets are unstable and just to add to it technology is changing everyday our way of doing things.

Bob Dylan in his song “The Times They are A Changing” encapsulated the feeling of the times when he first published this song. It is as relevant today as it was then with what is happening around the world. Listen to his words.

© Kia exponentially Counselling & Life Coaching



Let It Go

Change brings out our insecurities and to counteract it, our stubbornness refusing to act. It removes our points of reference, it’s scary and exciting at the same time and it can be chaotic as we face the unknown. Stubbornness blocks flow and brings about more drama and suffering. Confusion can reign with the stubbornness one faces, destroying one thing to recreate something else. The discomfort we feel is similar to going through a dark tunnel to emerge into the light. Going back into the dark tunnel is usually not an option many wish to embark upon, as we struggle to head towards the light.

Continue reading “Let It Go”