How To Light A Fire Under Your Butt

I know what it feels like to not want to get up in the morning.

To feel empty and heavy at the same time. To have so much to be grateful for, but not feel it.

I’d like to share a piece of my story with you. I hope it gives you some ideas for how to re-ignite your inner spark. When you were little, you burned bright inside and let it show. Somehow along the way, with all of the crappy advice you received from people who loved and hated you, you lost hope in your own value. You extinguished your own fire.

Now it’s time to get it back.

“Passion is the genesis of genius.” — Tony Robbins

When I was young, I was a fiery ball of passion. Maybe too much.

My childhood was a drag, not because it was actually that rough. I grew up in a family that just couldn’t stop feeling sorry for itself.

I slept in a house with no roof over our heads because we didn’t have enough money for a rental while fixing our house. When rain fell at night, sleep became impossible. The rain would wet my sheets and bed.

In the mornings, I would slip my feet into slippers that lay at the bottom of 3 inches of freezing water on the ground and wade to the breakfast table, avoiding floating splinters along the way. My mother still has that breakfast table in her house with the water marks on its legs.

My parents sold the house as soon as it was finished, and off we went to another construction site where we would live for the next 9 months, all while they ran a dry-cleaning business and a supplies company 7 days a week. We moved almost every year, unless real estate market conditions went south and we were stuck with a house for longer than expected.

I remember when my mom got sick from drinking only Cokes for two weeks. The crate of Cokes had somehow added up to cost less than water. Her stomach hurt for several days, and she never liked Coke again.

We constantly lived on the financial edge. But that wasn’t our real problem.

They felt they were cheated of a happy life. They had only learned how to make money by doing stuff they didn’t enjoy. In other words, work. The kind of work that has nothing to do with who you are and what you’re good at. The kind of work where you get paid for something anyone else could do if they were willing to put up with enough shit. Their souls died in the process. They were so miserable. And you know what they say about misery. It needs company. My sister and I were the company. They found other company too.

We were immigrants, and my parents barely spoke English, so we didn’t have too many lucrative options. But there was still something off about how sure they were that no other opportunities existed for them, even as they built a solid financial foundation for themselves. They never returned to joy.

I had no idea that someone could make money a different way.

Even after I was accepted into a college that took me far away from the resentment, stress, and anger that engulfed our daily rituals and interactions with others, I didn’t get it. At school, I was sold a different package of how “to make it” in the world. There were fancy-sounding job titles, almost none of which my parents would recognize. Investment banking, management consulting, philanthropy.

My heart yearned for something else. My passions kept pulling me toward human rights law, art, music, philosophy. I saw it as a real problem.

Don’t be stupid, my parents said, make money. They believed that being happy and making money could never be driven by one life. They were two totally separate things.

I accepted my first job on Wall Street after getting a master’s degree. When my second job was as an analyst at one of the most powerful hedge funds in the world at the time, I made the decision to extinguish my flames. My heart hurt so much, I cried myself to sleep every night for nine months until I was numb. It felt like love died.

Suggestions For Lighting Your Nonexistent Spark

When the light goes out, it feels like there’s nothing there. The first hurdle to overcome? To see that this isn’t true.

1. Start teeny-weeny

When people say, start small, they usually mean things like, “Call a friend and invite them to have a coffee with you.” Sound exhausting?

I say, start even smaller. Let’s make it a goal to put your pants on. You did it.

Decide that you’re going to stretch your body out for five minutes. Do it, and be proud.

You’re battling something we’ve all experienced. You’ve lost confidence in your ability to do what you want to do. Don’t stress, it happens all the time. So pick an activity that depends on no one else for you to do it, takes minimal time, and do it a T. Put those pants on like you’ve never put them on before! Repeat until you feel like upping the stakes.

A general rule: I’ve found that “Fake it until you make it,” is bad policy. The problem is, you’re always there, noticing that you’re faking it. Faking it wipes out genuine self-confidence. Your spark will blow out at the first sign of trouble.

Instead, just do your best and don’t quit. Forget perfection.

Likely result: You’ll notice that your inner flame is still there, just repressed to the tiniest flicker.

2. Stop saying yes

Most of us say ‘yes’ to jobs we don’t want, to buy stuff we don’t need, in order to live a life we’re not thrilled with. See the problem?

We can only care deeply about a limited number of things in life. I know this flies in the face of what we’re told by well-meaning but screwed up optimists. We sabotage ourselves by buying into the mantra that we can “have it all,” all at the same time. I’ve never met such a human.

Decide what priorities #1, #2, and #3 look like for you. Make sure that what you say ‘yes’ to in your everyday life serves this list and deserves your valuable time, attention, and money.

What you do say ‘yes’ to should represent your highest values.

Likely result: You’ll feel a lot lighter and more focused on your priorities. Good for spark-building.

3. View your skills in bunches

Take a look at what I mean.

Gary Vaynerchuk: good at tasting wines, good at video, good at business. Great at creating Wine Library TV.

Steve Jobs: good at design, good at technology. Great at making the Mac.

P. Diddy: good at music, good with people, good tastes. Great at creating brands.

Most people view their skills vertically. They list out their talents and then ask, which one do I pick for work? Try this instead. Look horizontally across seemingly unrelated talents and see them as a bunch. Look at your unique combo of your skills and passions to determine potential markets, not the other way around.

Most of us target markets and try to make ourselves fit into a job or a career, so we slice and dice ourselves. We try to make our square peg fit into a round hole, all in the name of financial success. Spark-killing.

Do recon on what makes you uniquely well-suited to succeed in ways that others can’t in a particular field, and concoct a plan.

Likely result: You’ll start to see the benefits of being you. As well as the financial possibilities that come with being you. Rock on.

4. Stop praying for a financial miracle, and make a budget

I have a beef with “positive thinking,” and here’s why.

A lot of what we consider “positive thinking” these days assumes that you’ll be saved from the outside somewhere. Someone or something else will relieve your pain. A lottery ticket, your daddy, a romantic partner, a different job. Let’s stop the madness.

Being able to do something important despite clear obstacles is one of the most productive traits a human being can cultivate. But you have to stop looking for other people and events to save you first. Make a budget. Even if it’s ugly. Even if it’s boring. Even if it makes you sad because the reality of your current financial situation blows.

If you want to build a strong financial life around your passions, change your attitude to, “Save yourself.” Financial freedom begins just after you take responsibility for yourself when crap happens (and it always does).

Likely result: You’ll do more and dream less, which fans the inner flames.

5. Drop the haters

Haters are a funny crowd. They like company. Chances are that if you secretly hate yourself a lot, you tolerate a high number of haters in your life. You may not be aware of how much energy you’re expending to stay still.

You’re a modern-day Sisyphus.

Just say “No” to all of the haters. I don’t care if your mother is a hater. I don’t care if your best friend makes a noise when you tell her that you’re cleaning up your financial act. They need to be shown their boundaries. Say no like you mean it, then hold that line.

From here on out, no one gets to take a shot at your self-confidence.

Clean out your environment, and get yourself a more supportive community. Protect the fire under your butt.

Likely result: You’ll realize that many of the negative voices in your head were echoes of stuff your friends and family said to you. Relight that inner spark and find yourself a community that wants to encourage the new you.

Dec 12th 2017 by Jane Hwangbo on Besomebody.

Walking On Egg Shells

I found some notes the other day that I had written in a notebook and thought today I would discuss these.

I don’t particularly like walking on eggshells as the shell is so thin that its likely to break and the result is a crack. The crack can be verbal or physical abuse, tears, or simply someone feeling uncomfortable or walking away from you. There are many signs of toxic behaviour around us but for whatever reason, wanting to retain the relationship, fear of not being wanted, playing the victim and more we put up with certain things.

Toxic behaviours are prevalent in us all. Do you align with any of these statements?

  • Hoarding pain or loss over love, anger, guilt
  • Talking another down and telling them what is wrong with them
  • Acting the victim, you have no power to exert over your life
  • Taking everything personally when having conversations
  • Jealous or being envious of others, comparing yourself to others
  • Obsessive negative thinking
  • Lack of emotional self control- explode with anger or tears
  • Being manipulative
  • Being judgemental
  • Lacking compassion or empathy

You may ask what is toxic about this? When you are with others your negative energy, speak or persona impacts on the other person.

You may have become so comfortable in these negative actions you don’t even realise your actions are speaking so loud to others. What is happening to your self worth when people don’t want to be around you?

Conversations That Matter are about feeling good about yourself, positive communication, productivity in things you do because you are not stuck in some mindset that sees you going nowhere fast.  Stop comparing your journey with everyone else’s. Your journey is YOUR journey, NOT a competition.

Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them. What you think about yourself is how people see you and if you are happy or sad it reflects in how you present and engage or not with others.

When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realised but this has to be your reality.I t takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster.

Avoiding unnecessary toxic energy has been my mantra over the years. An underrated determinant of health and overall quality of life, this  facet of living can be vastly improved upon.

We know that our emotional health has great influence over the health of all our organs and system in our bodies, particularly our nervous and endocrine systems. Since our emotional health is largely affected by our daily interactions with others, it stands to reason that learning how to identify and effectively deal with toxic influences is an important skill to develop.

To protect your health against such people:

  • Firstly, think carefully about whether you may have done or said something to cause the other person to react the way they have
  • If you have acted or said something that may have caused the reaction then rectify it if possible, an apology goes a long way.
  • If this is an issue that you have not caused then confronting the other party about unkind behaviour is not likely to be fruitful.


    Remember this ,   “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”

    In other words, if someone is showing toxic or unkind behaviour they will reap natural consequences in due time but you don’t have to deal with it. If on the other hand you are the one that has signs of toxic behaviour think about why you are being the way you are and do something about it.

 

 

 

 

Emotional Intelligence

 

When emotional intelligence first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into what many people had always assumed was the sole source of success—IQ. Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack.

How much of an impact does emotional intelligence (EQ) have on your professional success? The short answer is: a lot! It’s a powerful way to focus your energy in one direction with a tremendous result. Research shows that 90% of top performers have high EQs. You can be a top performer without emotional intelligence, but the chances are slim.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behaviour, navigate social complexities and connect with others and make personal decisions that achieve positive results. Emotional intelligence is made up of four core skills that pair up under two primary competencies: personal competence and social competence.

Personal competence comprises your self-awareness and self-management skills, which focus more on you individually than on your interactions with other people. Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies.

  • Self-Awarenessis your ability to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen.
  • Self-Managementis your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behavior.

Social competence is made up of your social awareness and relationship management skills; social competence is your ability to understand other people’s moods, behavior, and motives in order to respond effectively and improve the quality of your relationships.

  • Social Awarenessis your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on.
  • Relationship Managementis your ability to use awareness of your emotions and the others’ emotions to manage interactions successfully.

Despite the significance of emotional intelligence, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know which behaviors you should emulate. So I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the habits that set high-EQ people apart.

They’re relentlessly positive. Keep your eyes on the news for any length of time, and you’ll see that it’s just one endless cycle of war, violent attacks, fragile economies, failing companies, and environmental disasters. It’s easy to think the world is headed downhill fast. And who knows? Maybe it is. But emotionally intelligent people don’t worry about that because they don’t get caught up in things they can’t control. They focus their energy on directing the two things that are completely within their power—their attention and their effort. Numerous studies have shown that optimists are physically and psychologically healthier than pessimists. They also perform better at work. Remind yourself of this the next time a negative train of thought takes hold of you.

They have a robust emotional vocabulary. All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions. People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

They’re assertive. People with high EQs balance good manners, empathy, and kindness with the ability to assert themselves and establish boundaries. This tactful combination is ideal for handling conflict. When most people are crossed, they default to passive or aggressive behavior. Emotionally intelligent people remain balanced and assertive by steering themselves away from unfiltered emotional reactions. This enables them to neutralize difficult and toxic people without creating enemies.

They’re curious about other people. It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.

They forgive, but they don’t forget. Emotionally intelligent people live by the motto “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” They forgive in order to prevent a grudge, but they never forget. The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Holding on to that stress can have devastating health consequences, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. However, offering forgiveness doesn’t mean they’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Emotionally intelligent people will not be bogged down by mistreatment from others, so they quickly let things go and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.

They won’t let anyone limit their joy. When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or accomplishments take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

They are difficult to offend. If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin.

They quash negative self-talk. A big step in developing emotional intelligence involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. You can stop the negative and pessimistic things your inner voice says by writing them down. Once you’ve taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity. You can bet that your statements aren’t true any time you use words such as “never,” “worst,” and “ever.” If your statements still look like facts once they’re on paper, take them to a friend and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out.

 Bringing It All Together

Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, your brain builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. Before long, you will begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it. And as your brain reinforces the use of new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors will die off.

Source: Inc42
About The Author: 
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0

 

Why a Laugh a day Keeps the Doctor Away

Smiling and laughter are simple expressions, but experiencing them can make any normal situation into something special. Whether it’s the surprise of a stranger smiling at you on the subway, or the comfort of your boss laughing with you about some joke, there is something magical about this ordinary expression. We love to laugh together for a number of reasons. Smiling and laughing are not only fun, they’re good for your health—not just physically, but socially and emotionally, as well. Let’s dive into the benefits of smiling and laughing to find out why a laugh a day really does keep the doctor away.

Benefits of Smiling and Laughing

Smiling and laughing seem to be phenomena that have developed on an evolutionary basis. Human expressions of happiness
are culturally universal. They are one of the most basic human behaviors, starting at six weeks after birth, when babies start mimicking the smiles and laughter that the adults around them express in pleasant moments. Children learn to tell their caretakers when they are happy very early in life, and continue to apply this communication skill for the rest of their lives.

The simple, genuine behaviors of smiling and laughing seem to have exceptional impact on social interactions, enabling unique bonds with friends and family and setting a basis for joyful communication. There is a good reason for how much people appreciate sharing a sense of humor in friendships and relationships.

Having a good laugh improves the atmosphere by making it more relaxed and less tense, leading to less conflict and more cooperation. Having something to laugh about with a friend, coworker, or family member gives you some common ground for good feelings. Practicing humorous exchanges sets a precedent for positive interactions in interpersonal relationships.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Research has shown that laughing for 10 – 15 minutes a day burns up to 40 calories and relaxes muscles for up to 45 minutes. Even more importantly, laughter boosts the immune system, lowers blood pressure, and stimulates the release of endorphins. Frequently described as ‘happiness hormones’, endorphins are released during physical sensation and activity, and are responsible for feelings of euphoria and pain relief. Opiate and opioid pain medication actually works by binding to the same receptors that endorphins affect. While opiates are necessary in  unfortunate situations that require anesthesia, the brain is actually pretty good at stimulating opiate receptors by releasing its own hormones. Endorphin release leads to an increase of positive emotions, which definitely qualifies it as a laughing matter.

While smiling and laughing are clearly beneficial to physical health, they seem to have an even more powerful effect on mental health. Crawford and Caltabiano (2011) conducted an experiment that involved the use of a group humor skills program. The study found that participants who were “trained in humor” by the program showed increased self-efficacy, positive thinkingoptimism and perceptions of control, and decreased negative thinking and depression and anxiety symptoms, as compared with untrained participants. Knowing what to say to make others laugh can actually help protect you against common mental health problems. Most importantly, knowing your way around humor helps reinforce a positive state of mind.Beauty Knows No Pain—Or Does It?

Beauty Knows No Pain—Or Does It?

So what happens if you can’t physically smile or laugh? Do the positive effects of these behaviors diminish? In 2010, Davis et al. compared the impact of BOTOX injections (which paralyze muscles of facial expression) and control Restylane injections (which is a cosmetic filler that does not affect facial muscles) on self-reported emotional experience. Between-groups comparisons showed that relative to controls, BOTOX participants exhibited a significant overall decrease in the strength of their emotional experiences. Apparently, the physical act of smiling and laughing really intensifies good feelings. Because of the endorphin release that physical laughter triggers, this should come as little surprise.

Laughter Yoga

Laughter should be a part of everyday life, but it is also possible to incorporate it into your daily routine as an exercise. This type of workout is called Laughter Yoga. A recent study demonstrates that after one session of laughter yoga, participants experienced a decrease in both stress and anxiety, as well as an overall improved sense of well-being and a decrease in negative emotions (Internicola, 2012). Sounds laughable? That’s a reason to try it out!

Smiling and laughter are simple expressions, but experiencing them can make any normal situation into something special. Whether it’s the surprise of a stranger smiling at you on the subway, or the comfort of your boss laughing with you about some joke, there is something magical about this ordinary expression. We love to laugh together for a number of reasons. Smiling and laughing are not only fun, they’re good for your health—not just physically, but socially and emotionally, as well. Let’s dive into the benefits of smiling and laughing to find out why a laugh a day really does keep the doctor away.

Source: https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/laugh-day-keeps-doctor-away/#benefits-smiling-laughing

Our Not So Perfect World

Last week I wrote about Our Not So Perfect Selves. This is a continuation about us as a race. It saddens me to think that with all our knowledge, skills and resources, we as a human race have not changed all that much or implemented lessons from our past.

Over a period of two weeks, I happened to see two movies, The Zookeepers Wife and The Promise. Both set in two different parts of the world, one in Warsaw, Poland and the other in Turkey. The Zookeeper’s Wife was set in Poland and dealt with the extermination/genocide of Jews who were herded like cattle in what became known as the Warsaw Ghetto, and their eventual demise at the hands of the invading force of German Nazis. The other was about the extermination/genocide of the Armenian people who existed in Turkey by the hands of their fellow countrymen.

Continue reading “Our Not So Perfect World”

Our Not So Perfect Selves

Have you heard of archetypes? These are personality types and the ones below were created by Caroline Myss. They depict an aspect of your personality that makes you keep doing the things you do. Being aware of them is one step to making a change within yourself.

There are over 70 archetypes. Myss states that ‘to help you understand and fulfill your life, you have been encoded with a set of 12 primary archetypes. Four of these are universal archetypes related to survival: the Child, Victim, Prostitute, and Saboteur. We all have these because they are vital to our growth and functioning as adults. The other eight are drawn from the vast storehouse of archetypes and play valuable roles that relate to our work, our relationships with individuals and society, as well as to our spirituality, finances, values, and our highest potential ‘. An example of some of these are listed below’.

  • A Partial Listing of Archetypes

    Actor                    Addict                     Anarchist                Alchemist               Artist             Avenger               Beggar                    Bully                         Bureaucrat            Caregiver     Child                    Clown                      Companion             Coward                  Craftsperson Crook                   Crone                      Damsel                     Detective               Dictator         Dilettante            Diplomat                Disciple                    Dreamer                Diva               Eternal                 M/F Evangelist      Fool                           Gala                       Gambler       God                       Goddess                  Gossip                      Healer                    Herlad
    Hermit                 Hero                        Historian                 Innovator              Judge             Knight                  Lover                       Liberator                Magician                Martyr           Masochist            Matriarch               Midas                       Monk                     Muse               Mystic                  Nature M/F             Networker              Nun                        Olympian       Patriarch             Pilgrim                    Pioneer                    Poet                        Politician       Predator              Priest                       Prince                      Princess                 Prophet         Prostitute            Provocateur           Puck                         Puppet                    Puritan         Rebel                    Redeemer               Rescuer                   Revolutionary       Robot             Saboteur              Sadist                      Sage                         Samaritan              Scholar         Scout                    Seductress              Seeker                     Seer                         Servant         Settler                  Scribe                      Shaman                  Sidekick                  Slave             Spoiler                 Storyteller              Student                   Teacher                   Thief               Tramp                  Trickster .               Tyrant                     Vampire                 Victim Visionary             Warrior                  Witch                      Wizard                    Zombie

  • For more details: https://www.myss.com/free-resources/sacred-contracts-and-your-archetypes/appendix-the-four-archetypes-of-survival/

    How often do we study ourselves in any depth? Last night sitting with friends over dinner we ended up discussing this very point. It’s only we when lose something do we think about and reflect on our loss. With promises to ourselves to make changes and not repeat the same mistakes,  we undertake courses, read books, research and find information about a variety of things and we believe we can and will make those changes.

    Unfortunately once we get back into our comfort zone, we do not continue to reflect but rather tend to revert back to our old ways. Not until an issue rears its ugly head or a warning bell rings, do we think OMG that’s what happened before. It’s only then that whatever we learnt, we start trying to do something about.

    So why do I bring this up? This is where the archetypes come forth. Myss states there are universal ones that are within all of us but you may be thinking how do these archetypes really relate to me? The Prostitute for example is one that I could imagine might offend some people, but this is about us having control over our body, mind and spirit, saying “I am not for sale.” Thus applies to not being held to ransom.

    If you are a relatively positive person being a Saboteur may not sit well either. To understand this we need to examine how it relates to the many ways in which we undermine ourselves. For example, how often do we set new plans in motion, only to end up not following through due to fears that undermine those plans. The Victim on the other hand can alert you to the possibility that you could permit yourself to be victimised or alternatively it could make you more aware of your own tendencies to victimise others.

    The last of the four universal archetypes is the Child and this one is far more complex than the others. The child could be one of seven different personality types. The Child relates specifically to nurturing that part of us that yearns to be lighthearted and innocent, expecting the wonders of tomorrow, regardless of age.It establishes our perceptions of life, safety, nurturing, loyalty and family.

    Looking at ourselves never really hurt anyone except maybe ourselves with the realisation that we are not perfect and that we do make mistakes. Maybe looking at the Myss archetypes may be of value to you.

    © Conversations That Matter

     

     

Journeying to the Other Side

 No matter if we are young or older, anxiety can hit us at anytime. The pressures of life are but one re-occurring theme, but more importantly are the pressures that we put on ourselves that need to be managed. Many people journey from stress to relaxation and seem to manage it whereas others just journey to the other side and get stuck there, seeing nothing but angst.

Continue reading “Journeying to the Other Side”