Finding That Trigger

If you want to create a connected, lasting relationship then it’s not the physical attraction that keeps someone in a relationship. The other needs to feel something else in order to want you and only you and that’s an emotional attraction, a trigger.

What is emotional attraction? It’s a deep, intense form of attraction that  is more intense than physical attraction. This is when that other will do almost anything for you and you can’t keep them away. They are driven to be with you and may even want to commit to you, even when they don’t believe they are the settling down type.  How do you get this type of commitment?

There are six elements that trigger love.

  1. When you go to your local café and look at the cake display there are all these scrumptious looking things just waiting for your tastebuds to attack. They make your mouth water but you don’t know what it tastes like until you try it. There is an initial attraction when you look at the cake and this may be different for each person. The same can be said for people, there is a trigger we can call chemistry that attracts one person to another. Unless superficial, it’s not the way you dress, or the places you go to but rather a deeper essence that causes an attraction. Most men and women may not even be able to tell you what attracts them to another. It’s been found that a ‘positive emotional energy’ that someone gets from another, added with humour, flexibility and spontaneity makes the other person feel happy that they can please you, therefore making you more attractive.
  1.  Being confident, fun loving and positive, allowing space for you both to share, leads to a desire to get to know the other. Show interest in what the other is saying and make sure you are not the only one talking. Complaining about insignificant things such as the weather, the food you are eating, the service you receive or whining about a friend, makes someone usually feel uncomfortable and in the main disinterested. Be accepting, loving, genuine and honest is one of the first steps to maintaining a relationship.
  1. Men respect women who have boundaries and clearly state what is not ok with them. Don’t become someone else’s doormat and when dating someone for the first time be aware of the unexpected. I recently went out on a date with someone who appeared to be intelligent, attentive, generous but as we headed to his car he violated my physical space showing a deep lack of respect and integrity. Even though boundaries were clearly shown there are people with narcissistic personalities that will always try to put one over on you, as their egos get the better of them and they believe they know better.
  1. Sex is like a ‘chase and conquer‘ game. Giving in to readily when first meeting someone is moving your boundaries and 8 out of 10 times doesn’t keep the relationship going unless there is an emotional attraction also. There is no doubt a natural attraction that gets your pheromones fired up then there is the game of giving and withdrawing which challenges the other and keeps them wanting morebut are games the way to play and keep someone on the hook?
  1. Ensure you maintain your own interests and hobbies and don’t forget your friends. Just because you get into a new relationship doesn’t mean you ignore your old friends for this new relationship. Your friends feel unwanted and often resent your later attempts to reconnect if things don’t work out with this new love.  You both need your own freedom.
  1. Be unpredictable and fresh and watch love continue to flow. When you first meet someone they are new so it’s the honeymoon phase and attraction dominates. They want to learn everything there is to know about you. To maintain that interest is important.  Aim to keep them wanting to know more by not becoming predictable in everything you say or do.  Be present and don’t contemplate the next thing like marriage or what life will look like 5 or 10 years down the track. Enjoy the connection to that person and they will eventually be doing the planning ahead. Bring out the best in them and they will love you for inspiring them. One way to do that is by giving them a task to complete and then showing your appreciation. Men especially need to feel that they can protect their loved one thus women when showing their vulnerability is like a moth to a flame and an attractor for the male.

© Conversations That Matter

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