The Disappearing Act

Ever been on a date, had a great evening where the other arranges to call you for another date then quick as a wink disappears and you don’t hear from them again?  Is there an unconscious message you have telepathically delivered that says “I’m not interested”, or are they just not into you and they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

Either someone is genuinely interested and wants to see you again or they aren’t interested. It’s pretty simple.

Occasionally someone can be uneasy when they meet a new person as they are unsure whether they are liked or not. More experienced daters hedge their bets and make assumption that the other person is into them by signals.

Unconsciously a person might indicate they’re NOT interested if they are:

a) texting while the other person is talking. Occasionally we do need to take a call but an apology about this usually suffices.

b) looking around or paying attention to everything but the other person. No eye contact, no connection

c) not smiling. A smile breaks down barriers and makes the other person feel more welcome

d) not engaging in any conversation or just answering questions point blank, bang… bang… bang.. in a bland voice

e) checking the time on your watch or phone signalling you are ready to end this time together

Being too eager or negative about things can also be a put off for many.  If you communicate that you’ve had relationship problems, that you are unhappy with your life, that you are desperate to find a life long partner and don’t like being single, that you haven’t had sex for 10 years or that you are looking for a long term relationship, that person may run the other way quick as a wink. The tone and energy you put into a negative conversation comes across as needing a life jacket and someone to save you, and don’t most people have enough on their plates with their own everyday problems? You can immediately start to sense their distancing.

Consider coming across as being happy and confident in yourself and wanting to enjoy the companionship of another and seeing where it might go. That energy is positive and pulsating and a real attractor to most other people.

Most people are not anti- relationships but it’s about feeling great in the company of the other who brings out the best in you. Men and women are wired differently. Men generally look at things in boxes thus they might think that dating you is going to be more of a liability where they have to support you emotionally and financially whereas women have wires all over the place and look at things that connect, so let’s talk finances- what sort of a job do you have? Do you own your own home? What car do you drive ? In other words what can you offer them, then they might look at your  abilities – Can you cook? What sort of clothes you wear and your taste in food, wine and so on. Wires go all over the place therefore there are a lot of questions they might ask to see whether you meet their needs.

Before you don the Sherlock Holmes apparrel and go looking for that person you felt you got on so well with, and before they pulled their Houdini act, disappearing out of your life, think about the following:

a) Did you appear too needy or clingy?

b) Did you tell them everything about yourself, giving away too much too soon?

c) Are things moving too quickly? In other words does the other person appear to move at warp speed, seem infatuated but there is no substance or deep?

d) Is the person just after a sexual liason or wanting to get to know you and develop a relationship? There is nothing wrong with a sexual liason as long as both parties are up front about what they are seeking with little or no expectations for something more long term or meaningful.

d) Do calls or text messages which initially seemed to be daily seem to be dwindling?

Most people have a gut reaction that is intinctive and know when something is going to end. Out of respect and being mature enough an explanation for the reason that they are not wanting to see you again should be given. This allows for future friendship or just parting without any pain or accusations being thrown. It’s about having those conversations that matter.

If someone has disappeared on you then consider they have done you a masive favour as it’s not the person that you are meant to be with. If that person is more involved with the chase than recognising their catch then drop your line in again and don’t let this be something that puts you off.

Conversations That Matter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s