Change brings out our insecurities and to counteract it, our stubbornness refusing to act. It removes our points of reference, it’s scary and exciting at the same time and it can be chaotic as we face the unknown. Stubbornness blocks flow and brings about more drama and suffering. Confusion can reign with the stubbornness one faces, destroying one thing to recreate something else. The discomfort we feel is similar to going through a dark tunnel to emerge into the light. Going back into the dark tunnel is usually not an option many wish to embark upon, as we struggle to head towards the light.
Often in life something major occurs that makes change inevitable and some of us go kicking and screaming while others slide more easily into it. Change can be brought upon by another person such as was my case. All my security was unpredictability swept away during the financial crisis by my life partner while we were living in a different state. I ended up with no job, nor home, as I had to sell mine to pay for debts he incurred and never repaid. I made the decision to move countries and start afresh. Though I had previously lived in the USA and UK, I was now moving to a culturally diverse country, Indonesia, where life is chaotic, where they practice a different religion, where the standard of living, morals and values were out of my comfort zone. For me it was a life changing experience, never to be forgotten. It has made me a better person for having undergone it and for having worked through my discomfort. It is however not something that I would recommend for everyone.
How do you accept and embrace change rather than resist it? It’s about taking responsibility and moving it along. Change is an opportunity for shifting something that has been stagnant or stuck in your life. It doesn’t mean you don’t care anymore, it’s about rediscovering the power within you, letting go and starting over again. Like a caterpillar emerging out of a cocoon to become a butterfly, we need to make room for the new to emerge that will be different.
For change to occur you cannot hold onto the old habits and patterns. Change is energy and movement that requires space to develop into the new.
Sometimes, relationships or work situations come to an abrupt end. Chose to see it as it is, and the freedom it provides. There is an old saying, not sure from where it arises, but it goes- ‘when one door closes another one opens’ and I have certainly found this to be true.
It’s an organic process that weaves and turns to eventually become something you feel comfortable with. Sometimes these changes affect others. If we have a carer personality it can be especially difficult not to feel guilt when we are making these choices, however we have at the end of the day, to be true to ourselves and be a little ruthless for our own benefit.
If we are surrounded by others that are negative about the change, when we absorb their energy it weaken us, making the choice all that much more difficult.
In the physical realm the best way to move forward is to clear and eliminate the clutter in our lives. Little things can make an impact such as going through your closet and getting rid of clothes that no longer serve their purpose. We all accumulate so many possessions in life, not wanting to let them go because we ‘may need it one day’ or ‘it means so much… its from my parents or my youth’, even if you haven’t looked at it or used it forever. Tucked away in a cupboard think about what clutters your life. Anything you can scan and store such as photos, documents for example, can be kept in the cloud for you and others to access if need be. Most valued possessions that would not be numerous, give to grown children while you are alive and they can enjoy, or keep them on show if possible, so they become integrated into your life.
In the emotional, spiritual realm, anxiety can be triggered in the clutter of your mind where all your fears, obsessions, judgements, rationalisations and expectations are housed. This occurs when we doesn’t know something we feel that discomfort. If you have to take action that anxiety can become quite chronic to the point where you cannot work and can be paralysed by inaction. I have advised clients in the past to undertake a small exercise that is outcomes based.
Think about where you are stagnant, what you need to let go and how you are going to make space.
Create a list of things that need to be done. No matter whether it’s a work or personal situation, put all things that are priorities and work through them one at a time, marking them off as you go. It’s amazing that as you write the list, this starts to clear space and then as you start to focus on these things your mind is elsewhere not on the issue you face. Lastly as you accomplish the task this opens more space and increases your energy for other opportunities to become viable making the canvas of your life a new landscape to be enjoyed.
This is article 1 -3 on this topic so stay posted and look for my meditation to calm your mind in the next blog.
© Kia Haere Counselling & Life Coaching