The Mirror Doesn’t Lie

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? Why I am of course……

Just because you get older doesn’t mean you are ready for an aged care facility. Most people who reach their 50’s and 60’s and sometimes even 70’s feel  much younger than their ages belay. They frequent singles places and go out or have relationships with others who are ten to 20 years younger than themselves.

Labelled by society for nothing better to do, a Cougar is usually a confident, often successful,  single woman who is tired of the less romantic, less adventurous physically inactive, narrow-minded men in their own age. They tend to date and have relationships with younger, more active and more adventurous men.

A growing movement worldwide, why are younger men today attracted to the older woman? Many women are not ‘Cougars’ yet are approached and propositioned by younger men. Rather than believing these young men have ‘mother’ issues, it appears from non-scientific research conducted by others, that many younger men are opting out of commitment as it feels like entrapment. Though people are marrying at a much later age, 32 on an average for men and 30 for women, men feel they are still not ready for such a bond to be formed. Women on the other hand are concerned about their biological clocks ticking away and are ready to make a commitment after a shorter period of time.

Unlike the Queen in the Disney clip below, most Cougars are not threatened by the younger more beautiful woman. Peter Lloyd, author of ‘Stand By Your Manhood’ says ‘young men find older women liberating’. These older women are usually less hassle, more fun, don’t want kids, don’t analyse everything, aren’t so clingy, don’t want to meet your parents a week after having sex,  generally less emotional than younger women so don’t send angry text messages in the early hours of the morning.  Though a little mercenary, some people have attained successful careers and are happy to introduce the younger person to them, thereby helping to attain career goals through their networks.  Age gap relationships work well for many. They provide more worldly experiences and in the main most of these relationships have a use by date, as men grow into their own personal power.

Manthars  on the other hand are the equivalent to Cougars. They can be good looking, stylish and gentlemanly whereas others are old, drunk, bogans with money and a sense of entitlement. They might as well walk around wearing a t-shirt saying your free ATM machine, as they like to take out their wallets and attract those individuals who like being spoilt with everything paid for, but then who doesn’t like to be spolit.

The term ‘Sugar Daddy’ was first coined in 1908 when Adolph Spreckels, heir to a sugar fortune who married a woman 24 years his junior. She used to called her husband her “Sugar Daddy”. The term has been used over time from those in the sweets to arts industries and today encompasses both genders.

The sugar daddy phenomena, a person giving another person (their sugar) expensive gifts or allowances for a relationship is alive and thriving, just check out the internet. Some individuals will pay for anything from university/college tuition, breast implants, exotic holidays away together, dinners in fine dining establishments, rents and more, for companionship and sex. For both parties it can be mutually beneficial, getting something by giving something however sometimes like all relationships it has its issues.

For some people it’s more about companionship than sex.  Some want a friendship to develop before sex intimacy and for others it’s pure outright sex- friends with benefits. Irrespective of personal requirements, maybe a good mantra to follow is that of the great business leader Al Neuharth who once said: ‘Eat only when you are hungry, drink only when you are thirsty, and screw only when you are horny’.

SeekingArrangement claims more than 80,000 “young, educated and broke” Australian students are now “easing the burden with help from sugar daddies”. Sugar daddies can be single or married and maybe respected community figures, thus secrecy may be a prime requirement within some arrangements.

The sugar daddy lifestyle is highly addictive and can be all consuming from attending work functions with your partner to business trips. For some sugar daddy’s it has meant the end of their marriage or long term relationships. A flirtatious, game of strategy some individuals go from one relationship to another looking for the one that meets their specific requirements.

Does the mirror lie? When consciously we look into it we know better but unconsciously we dream and recall our more youthful days and if you are fit and active, look good and don’t feel or act your age then enjoy life.Society will always have labels., Cougar, Manthar, Sugar Daddy,  it makes it so much easier to put people in boxes and identify them as ‘that sort’ when discussing them with others.

As a friend once said to me, age is but only a figure, you are old enough to know better but young enough to enjoy, so go ahead have fun but be aware of what it is you want, why you want it and whom you want it with. Never lose sight of who you are.

© Kia Haere Counselling & Life Coaching




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