Finding that special someone

A facebook friend of mine recently posted this.

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

A woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, my goodness! But I wonder whats on the next floor?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

As I read this as many of you have, I was captivated to find out what was the moral of the story.  Being entrepreneurial I thought hey this is a good idea. One could sell partners to anyone in the partner market then of course I got to thinking about the slave markets and how people were sold as a commodity. Definitely not where I want to go however it got me thinking of, are we impossible to please? Once we have what we want are we satisfied? Do we try and change the person we love to meet our requirements? All these and more questions are consciously or unconsciously on our minds when we think about or meet a new person that could potentially become a partner.

Let’s look at the first thing we think about, what is the criteria for a partner?

a) has a job or is financially secure

b) loves kids

c) good looking

d) helps with housework

e) has a strong romantic streak

f) is a friend

g) has a sense of humor and can laugh at self

h) is trustworthy

i) is honest

j) accepts his/her own emotions

k) adventurous, likes to try new places and things

l) gets on with the family

m) gets on with the close friends

n) not demanding or clingy

o) is understanding

p) makes you feel special

q) likes to spend time together

r) has good communication skills to discuss issue that may arise

s) is clean and tidy

t) spoils you

u) is transparent

v) makes you feel like you are wanted

w) has own personal interests

x) is loyal

y) has the ability to listen

z) provides you with a sense of security

Some of you will be ticking every box and some only a couple, it really depends on your age and where you are in your life at this point in time. Are you looking for someone to have children with or are you wanting a companion?

We all would like that fairytale ending but as we know humans are complex creatures, our birth place, family backgrounds, family connections, schooling, friends, technology influencers all impact on what we consciously and unconsciously believe and put into action and reality.

Are we difficult to please? I wrote briefly in a previous article about the Cinderella Complex and how there is a fear in women and sometimes with certain people in the Gay community to search for their ‘prince/princess charming’ so they can be whisked away to a perceived, better life. We do have choices whether to believe our own stories or those that others indoctrinate us with, thus, when our ideal is not met we become dissatisfied. When we get dissatisfied others view us as being difficult. Whether you believe this personally of yourself or not, is not the point, here we are talking generically. To illustrate this I was recently lying on the beach and overhead a discussion between two young guys probably in their 20’s. One said ‘now you know why I don’t want to get involved, women are just too difficult”. I laughed to myself as only a few days before I had heard a group of young women bemoaning the same thing of men.

Lastly when we have what we want are we satisfied or do we try and change the person we love to meet our requirements? It seems that many people are never satisfied. Once you have got what you want, you want to make improvements on things you believe, only you believe, needs to be better, striving to create an image of the perfect you.  Your partner is not an mirror image of you, you only need to look in the mirror to visually see that. The trouble trying to change someone to your image is that it doesn’t work. They tend to get frustrated and so do you, leading to even greater dissatisfaction.

Some people find partner after partner or get married then married again and again and it appears that they have that special something to attract that certain someone. Is it difficult to find that special someone, yes it is, based on your criteria. The greater the number of criteria A-Z for example, the more difficult.If we have had long term partners or been married then divorced we also tend to become pickier. Sometimes our lives are so full of the things that interest us we don’t make time for anyone else and usually that is our protective mechanism so the criteria is basically non existent.

If you are not prepared to alter your number of criteria, choosing only the most important to you or alternatively making compromises for your partner then there is a likelihood there could be challenges in your relationship.

If you recognise and are aware of your needs and can make those personal changes you may be pleasantly surprised with what flows into your life. Be grateful as it is very special.

If you would like to chat about your relationship please contact me at kiahaere@gmail.com

© Kia Haere Counselling and Life Coaching

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s